Up there with root canals and running for the bus then missing it, there’s no way around it: break ups just suck. Whether it’s your first or fifty-first, that sh*t still hurts.
But like the other aforementioned unpleasantries, they’re also temporary. We live and we learn!
Your ENID big sister is here to help guide you through your break up, so that you can get back to doing what you do best: being a boss b*tch.
Cry it out
It’s important to release your emotions, and if that means sobbing until you’ve got no tears left, then so be it. Release your break-up pain. Watch The Notebook. Remember, tears are healthy.
This being said, there does come an unsaid expiry date to the break up breakdowns. If it’s three years down the track from a six-month relationship bust up, and you’re still tearing up at the thought of them, it’s time for either a reality check or to seek professional help.
Eat ALL the ice cream
Other than pregnancy (and maybe menopause), this is one of the few times in your life that you can eat whatever you want, and blame it on the situation. And hormones.
Bring up UberEats and get ready to overindulge in whatever makes you happy!
Whether that’s ice cream, chocolate or pickles straight from the jar. Get under the covers and enjoy eating your feelings away.
Stop overthinking and get some zzz’s
You’ll likely be overthinking everything related to the break up — what you could’ve said or done differently that might have resulted in a different outcome; what they could’ve done differently…
Stop right there! Speaking as your virtual big sister, you have to move on. And the best way to do so is to take it as a blessing in disguise. Not to get all la-di-da, but trust in the universe (or higher power, if that’s what you’re into) that this was meant to be, and nothing you did or could have done will alter that.
Don’t worry, you will eventually get to a stage in life where your ex is nothing but a distant memory.
These buzzing thoughts might prevent you from sleeping, but it’s vital to get some rest, in order to maintain your physical health whilst your emotional/mental health is being messed with.
Try thinking about happy memories, put your favourite tunes on repeat before bed, or get stuck into a gripping novel — preferably not romance — try crime or horror! After a solid night’s sleep, you’ll be able to get a better perspective on the situation.
Don’t text them
Although it will be extremely hard not to, we’ve all been there.
But trust us when we say you do not want to send something you’ll regret later on. Especially if it’s a drunk text.
Those pesky emotions have a habit of always getting the better of us, so to avoid looking like a clingy ex, try removing all channels of contact.
Delete them from your speed dial, block them on social media. Even if you’ve decided to stay friends, you can always unblock them later on, when you’re not tempted to check their story on a night out — or worse, check incessantly to see if they’ve viewed your story.
Rid yourself of any reminders
Every cliché chick-flick has girls setting fire to their ex’s belongings. Probably not the wisest move, particularly if you want to avoid a court hearing.
Instead of vengeance through unlawful acts, try placing all reminders of your ex in a box and storing it away somewhere you don’t see on a daily basis, like the back of your wardrobe.
We’re not suggesting burning anything here, as you may not want to destroy every memory of that relationship. Months down the line, those tangible items will mean less to you and you’ll be able to look at them without feeling anger or hatred.
Jam out to your favourite songs
You should be regularly jamming out to your fave bangers, even sans break up.
That being said, your current post-break up fragile state of mind calls for some serious music therapy.
Whether you want to cry along to a playlist of songs that remind you of them, curse their name to any number of Taylor Swift’s tunes, or get your sass on to Destiny’s Child Survivor or X-tina’s Fighter, getting it all out via song is a great way to further release your emotions.
We recommend starting with this break up playlist on Spotify.
Write them a letter
If it’s been some time and you still feel like there’s unresolved tensions, feelings or even just stuff to be said on your part, try expressing yourself on paper.
The simple fact is, you don’t always get closure after a break up. Writing a letter to your ex can be a great way to lay all your emotions out on the table. Even if you don’t send it to them, part of the healing process is to understand what you’re feeling and thinking by articulating it into words.
Treat the letter like a journal and get everything that’s been pent up out.
If it’s anger — write it down, and say why and how they hurt you. Ditto for sadness, envy and every emotion in between.
You can of course post the letter once you’re done, but we advise keeping it for yourself (to read back on in five years and see how far you’ve come), or to destroy it if you’re still feeling vindictive.
Spend time with loved ones
What better emotional support can you get than from your best gal pals?! Tell your friends how you’re hurting and they will give you advice, share stories of how they got over their own break ups and, of course, cheer you up.
It can be hard to admit to being vulnerable in a time like this, but reach out to those around you, and your true loved ones will have your back.
Your OG bestie should be rocking up at your doorstep with chocolate, tissues and a willingness to help plot your ex’s downfall. That is the ultimate goal!
Stay busy and focused on your own goals
The post-break up period is the best time to unapologetically focus on yourself.
Whether you decide to find a new hobby, or read that book that’s been on your reading list for the last two years, take this time to stay busy, as it’ll distract you from overthinking… or thinking in general about your ex.
Reinventing yourself is also a good way to keep grounded. By changing a part of yourself that you can control, like your hair colour, it counteracts any loss of control you might be feeling from a change that was out of your control — like being dumped.
Check in with your January resolutions and goals, and launch yourself into your work or study.
No, not with a rebound…!
Exercise is obviously another great distraction, one that’s good for your body AND mind.
Punch a boxing bag whilst pretending it’s your ex! See how hard you can hit it!
And if you are still focused on revenge (we don’t blame ya), the old adage of ‘success is the best revenge’ rings true.
There’s nothing more gratifying than a post-break up GLOW UP. Show them what they’re missing and what they can’t have!
Reactivate your online dating profiles
This one’s more for self-esteem than anything else.
We’re not suggesting you go on a Hinge date. Just knowing someone out there is interested in you is enough of a confidence booster, especially if you’ve been dumped.
It’s also nice to see who else is out there in the metaphorical dating pool, to prove this meme wrong.
Take your time
By far the most important is to let time take its course. Break ups, like anything else, take time to adjust to and get over.
Don’t rush by making any major life changes until you are in the right state of mind. You’ll get to a time when you will be able to look at their Instagram page and feel little to nothing. Stay strong. Believe that with a little time, patience and support you will feel better and find love again!
And lastly, no rebounds!
Masking your pain by trying to find a replacement never works, no matter how much you convince yourself that a new partner is what you need.
Even if it does bring momentary happiness, it’s a bandaid solution, not a long term fix.
You’ll end up missing your ex even more, or getting used by your rebound.
It’s vital to do some self-work, and get over someone completely before beginning anything new.
You don’t want them to just ‘fill in a gap’ of what you are missing, as ultimately, you’re going to end up getting hurt even more.
So heads up, siswas, good days are on the horizon. We’re gonna leave you with one last cliché — people in your past have been kicked to the curb for a (good) reason. The pain will pass and you’ll come out stronger on the other side.
Love and hugs,
Your ENID big sis XOXO